Fuck. Wow. I think I’m a fucking psycho. An obsessive fucking psycho. I spend hours on end thinking about my next manipulative move. I spent hours thinking of a way to socially destroy this one girl. I fucking hate her. She had already put herself in an incredibly vulnerable position, but now she is making a recovery. She is making amends with people and people are taking her back. I thought and thought, until the most brilliant plan came up. Where I would make her paranoid. Where I would make her attack me. Where I would become the victim of the situation. It was extraordinary. I don’t think I’m going to execute it though. Now I’m thinking, well perhaps she just deserves my everlasting resentment. I still keep my plan locked up and perhaps I can use it in the future. Anyway, I spend hours thinking about how I can get a person to become more fond of me. I tried my current method and it worked. This girl and I were just a bit more than acquaintances, but I got to the point where she would say “Hi” first in the hallway, or she would compliment me at random. I fucking love it. I don’t think a lot of people even realize how I am manipulating them. It’s because I don’t care about anyone. All the relations I have with people mean nothing to me, therefore I can do anything to them. If I want someone to become my new compliment slave, I will make them my new compliment slave. I don’t really care if it will affect them socially, mentally or emotionally. That is the same reason why I can emotionally separate myself from any situation, why I can permanently emotionally damage someone with out a care in the world. Everyone is so empathetic. It really disgusts me sometimes. How you can just accept forgiveness to someone who has hurt you in the past. Bringing a negative source of energy back into your life? Not the way I do things. Whatever though. I know what keeps me going. Constant attention and the approval of others. Every move I make revolves around those factors. My own self interest is all I care about. Why should I have to care about anyone else if I can just pretend like I do? People think that I care about them, therefore they send me attention and approval back at me. Even when someone hates me I love it. One day someone was walking down the hallway when all of the sudden she hears a girl say “Do you wanna talk about something?” and then another girl say “About how much I hate Jordan Levin?”. This person then told me what these two girls said. I loved it. I love being hated and I love being loved. Either way, people are thinking about me and talking about me. I don’t think anything produces the same type of feeling inside of me. It’s almost like a feeling of pure satisfaction. That feeling is what I live for.
wow, thats fucked
Reblogged from: jordanl
Originally posted by: jordanl
